Toilet Technique
Living at the staff nursing quarters here in Ayr means that I've had to use a lot of shared facilities such as kitchen, showers and toilets. Kitchen isn't that big of a problem. It's a bit annoying to have to label all of our food with 80% of the fridge space being ours. The couple nurses that have been living here off and on with us are very clean. It also helps that one of them doesn't appear to ever cook and the only thing he has is a freezer full of Camembert cheese. Looks like he's stocking up for a war or something.
The showers are a bit more iffy but still not too bad. A very brief inspection didn't seem to turn up any mould. Can't see anything without my glasses anyway - ignorance is indeed bliss here. If there was a bit more traffic in the showers I'd probably keep my thongs on to avoid picking up some HPV.
Now comes toilets. I can't stand using public toilets and will go to extreme lengths to avoid a #2 or #3 in a public washroom (1 + 2 = 3 :D). #1 is less of a problem. But being here I've had to face the inevitable task of using public-ish toilets once or twice daily. Here are some public toilet strategies I've picked up:
1. Toilet paper seat cover
- so apparently many female toilets have toilet paper seat covers provided. Guy toilets don't (I've never seen one with them anyway). Three pieces carefully placed posterior and laterally does the trick. Probably psychological comfort more than anything since you can't really catch an STI from a toilet seat. Pubic lice jumps but unless your toilet seat is made of hair, the risk is almost nil.
2. No pants
- have you ever walked into a toilet where the floors are soaking wet and you're wondering what combination of bodily secretions and other substances are floating in it? How do you do your business without getting the bottoms of your pant legs dirty? If you wear skinny jeans then you probably don't have to worry. But for me, having your pant leg drag on the ground is a worry. If there's a hook on the inside of the bathroom door I'll often take my pants right off, hang them up, and put them back on afterwards.
3. Shorts over one leg
- so I just recently came upon this strategy. It's a form of the no-pants method and works best with shorts and thongs. What you do is you take one leg out of your shorts and swing it over one of your legs before you sit down. With the "shorts-over-one-leg" style, you maintain maximum range-of-motion with your legs AND avoid having your shorts touch the floor. Too easy!
4. Use the paper wisely
- always use paper to touch things without your hands when possible! Examples include lifting the toilet seat to stand and pee; flushing (as I've already mentioned); and opening doors on your way out. This is sometimes hard with the increasing numbers of hand dryers so sometimes I have to sacrifice my pinky.
Always on the lookout for more toilet tips.
The showers are a bit more iffy but still not too bad. A very brief inspection didn't seem to turn up any mould. Can't see anything without my glasses anyway - ignorance is indeed bliss here. If there was a bit more traffic in the showers I'd probably keep my thongs on to avoid picking up some HPV.
Now comes toilets. I can't stand using public toilets and will go to extreme lengths to avoid a #2 or #3 in a public washroom (1 + 2 = 3 :D). #1 is less of a problem. But being here I've had to face the inevitable task of using public-ish toilets once or twice daily. Here are some public toilet strategies I've picked up:
1. Toilet paper seat cover
- so apparently many female toilets have toilet paper seat covers provided. Guy toilets don't (I've never seen one with them anyway). Three pieces carefully placed posterior and laterally does the trick. Probably psychological comfort more than anything since you can't really catch an STI from a toilet seat. Pubic lice jumps but unless your toilet seat is made of hair, the risk is almost nil.
2. No pants
- have you ever walked into a toilet where the floors are soaking wet and you're wondering what combination of bodily secretions and other substances are floating in it? How do you do your business without getting the bottoms of your pant legs dirty? If you wear skinny jeans then you probably don't have to worry. But for me, having your pant leg drag on the ground is a worry. If there's a hook on the inside of the bathroom door I'll often take my pants right off, hang them up, and put them back on afterwards.
3. Shorts over one leg
- so I just recently came upon this strategy. It's a form of the no-pants method and works best with shorts and thongs. What you do is you take one leg out of your shorts and swing it over one of your legs before you sit down. With the "shorts-over-one-leg" style, you maintain maximum range-of-motion with your legs AND avoid having your shorts touch the floor. Too easy!
4. Use the paper wisely
- always use paper to touch things without your hands when possible! Examples include lifting the toilet seat to stand and pee; flushing (as I've already mentioned); and opening doors on your way out. This is sometimes hard with the increasing numbers of hand dryers so sometimes I have to sacrifice my pinky.
Always on the lookout for more toilet tips.
Labels: Random
posted by Matt at 5:23 AM
8 Comments:
HAHAH
nice blog Matt
gd to see ur surviving rural placement! ill probably have to borrow some of these techniques when i go on mine next year!
i never thought of no.3, i like how it allows extended range of motion haha
in terms of unidentified fluid on the floor..i just pull my pant legs up:p
i like how u do number 3's. man thats clever. i always thought the toilet only went up to doing number 1 and 2's. but i so know wat u mean about 3.
i usually pull my pant legs up too so it doesnt touch the floor.
doesnt the pants accidentally touch the floor when you are taking them off to hang them up? that takes so much effort and if you already have a turtlehead coming out you don't really hav time to take ur legs out of ur pants.
wat is a hpv? some sort of plantar wart u get from shared bathrooms? they are pretty nasty.
man mikey gives way too much info for my liking. i was smiling from your post but now i'm downright disgusted.
glad ur looking after yourselves bro. i should learn some of your tips because i don't take as much precautions when using work or uni toilets.. bahaha. is that disgusting?
work toilet is good, it is a privilege to get paid for doing a number 3... hahaha.
uni toilets are bad, i like to go to J block toilets because usually no-one is there (shh! no one take my secret space!!). also gotta look out for especially splashy urinals in QUT Z block level 9. they are dangerous.
and i'm glad u dont wear skinny jeans.
come back soon!
You can always wear no pants to anywhere, that would sovle the problem
no. 3 is a brilliant idea but it's not a solution. What if it's not shorts weather? use garters or something to tie the bottom of your pants so they don't touch the floor
can you put names on the cubicles? put a lock on it?
That was INTENSE!! mm i dont get point #3. I totally hate sacrificing my pinky... but its gotta be done sometimes.
good to hear ur alive :D
No pants is a great idea. They should add on no pants Mondays to the start of the work week to complement casual Fridays.
The no pants method is very time consuming and takes careful practice to avoid getting the bottoms of your pants dirty. Plus you have to remove your shoes. Definitely not an option if you're groundhogging...
Yah, HPV 1,2,4 is the culprit for all those nasty warts you get from public showers and swimming pools.
We came up with a #4 - that's #2 squared or 2^2 (think explosive...)
bill how can u be disgusted by what God has created?
air chair buddy.. haha gives your legs a workout too hahaha
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